I've always had a silly relationship with death. A few semesters ago in one of my lit classes, we all read Walt Whitman's When Lilacs Last in the Door-yard Bloom'd. I often seemed to be the only one arguing one side, and it happened again with this poem. My professor stated that this particular part of the poem, addressing the death of Abraham Lincoln, showed a very dark period for the speaker, because he allowed himself to be so close to death. He treated it as a friend and that is bad. I'm simplifying her words here. To be more specific I'd probably misquote.

Then with the knowledge of death as walking one side of me,  And the thought of death close-walking the other side of me,  And I in the middle, as with companions, and as holding the hands of companions,  I fled forth to the hiding receiving night, that talks not,  Down to the shores of the water, the path by the swamp in the dimness,   To the solemn shadowy cedars, and ghostly pines so still.

I found it odd that she was so quick to label that as bad and dangerous. I remembered back to one of my most favorite parts of of the His Dark Materials books, one world visited briefly has people and their death living side by side all their life, getting closer and closer until they die. The elderly play chess, maybe drink tea and reminisce with their deaths. I thought this was lovely. They wouldn't fear death, it would be, by the time they die, an old friend. Dying would be like picking up an old dog-eared book read time and time again, sitting in an old leather chair that's grown softer and more comfortable over the years.

Ah I have to go. People nearby. Finish this later.

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Back. BoyfriendFiance(!) wanted to go to bed early, and as I have a laptop and like to curl up in blankets and pretend I'm a bird in a nest of happy fluffy comfort because I'm often cold, I tend to use the bed as my desk. So had to run, lest he happen upon my problems in the brain pan all put down in clear type.

Anyhow. These deaths were not always seen as a friend, though always kindly they often try to stay out of the way  to not make their person uncomfortable. But I remember a few scenes described of the deaths and their humans interacting like lifelong friends. And I found those scenes incredibly sweet. It sounded so healthy, such a happy way to live, to not fear your death at all. The image of enjoying the presence of your death stuck with me, and ever since, I've tried to portray it somehow, in sketches and little poems that could never quite catch what was in my head. Life can be difficult, and death can be an escape, the beginning of a new adventure, leaving this plane and entering another.

I'm obviously a fan of the whole Death with Dignity, and I find it absurd that suicide is illegal. What is more personal then your own life? If you can't choose to do with your own life, well...then what?

The only exception I can see is how your own life affects others. If I were to end my own life, it would be my obligation to the people in my life to consider the impact on them. This is what has kept me living, this and fear of what comes after death. Hamlet's whole "To be" speech really strikes a chord with me. I've never had a religion, though I have nothing against those that do and am in fact, generally jealous of those that have religion. I would love to be able to believe in something more, to be able to accept the possibility that after death there may be more then nothing. I'm kind of obsessed with ghost stories, hoping I can experience something like that to give me some proof of...anything.

In the quote from Whitman, I like to see the section as a man who has come to terms with death, not a man living in despair with his mind on suicide. To accept death you don't need to be thinking of nothing but death.

I'm not sure if any of this makes sense. I lost my nice clear train of thought since last night, so I'm afraid I'm missing some points, or something to tie it all together. This is the gist of it all though, I hope it isn't just nonsense. I also really hope no one takes this the wrong way. These are just my thoughts, not to be taken as justification for doing something that could hurt the people they love.